Taking Up Space

On Taking Up Space

In a previous blog, I mentioned that I often describe myself to others as "taking up space." I am tall, broad-shouldered, often wear high heels and always wear colors, have a loud speaking and singing voice, love being the center of attention, and currently have hot pink hair.  None of these things make me "small." I try very hard to be respectful of others though, whether it is taking up as little room as possible on an airplane seat, slumping way down in my chair at the movie theater so as not to block someone, or using my height to help others reach something, navigate through a crowd, or get noticed. As women, we are often taught to not take up space, to be small, to be quiet, to be invisible. I like the idea of "taking up space" and choose to claim it as a positive--I am here, I am me, take it or leave it (but please take it, as I am a people-pleaser at heart).

I was thinking about this today because I was at dance practice. I have a deep love of dance, and a love-hate relationship with partner dancing. Being the tallest girl in the class in our junior high dance unit meant a lot of awkward square dancing with a prepubescent peer's face nestled snugly near my training bra, in high school it meant being constantly picked as Mr. Morgan's demonstration partner to show the moves for the Hora, the Waltz, or the Cha-Cha. In college, I was deeply into Latin dancing, which I love, but which also meant I spent a lot of time being asked to dance by partners who came up to my elbow when I was in heels, and who I had no hope of doing any Bachata turns with. Plus, even going to clubs to dance, the tallest girl in the group doesn't often get asked to dance. None of this is a pity party, it is just a factual glimpse into the day to day experiences of women above 5'10''.

Now, back to today. I was at Filipino folk dance practice (news flash--I'm not Filipino, but my husband and children and in-laws are) and we are rehearsing for a large-scale cultural dance showcase in September, with nearly 40 dances that tell the history of the Philippines. There are people of varying ages, sizes, and experience with dancing in our troop, and we have members aged 4 to well into their 70s. It is an amazing group to be a part of, and I am thankful every day that I have always been so warmly welcomed by everyone. We definitely have a few taller people in our troop, but by and large, it always feels like I am at least a foot taller than everyone else--we've had people try on my costume skirts, and they can stand up inside them with only the top of their head sticking out--granted, it is a very long skirt, but you get the idea. In my mind, I am always ready to be dancing in "women only" dances, the ones that don't require partners, but today I practiced a dance with a partner, and it is a hard one too--you dance with a lit candle balanced on the top of your head! (Just what I need, more height...) Anyway, it was my partner and I's first time working together, and we laughed a lot, bumped into each other more than once, and definitely dropped the jar of Oxy acne pads that I balancing on my head in lieu of a candle for today. But I had a partner. And we, and the other pairs of dancers had such a good time dancing that I didn't even notice if our heights didn't match up, and I don't think anyone else did either!

Today taught me that there is nothing wrong with taking up space, as long as sometimes you get out of your own way, stop navel gazing, slap a jar of acne pads on your head, and dance it out!

Yours in the times to mourn, and in the times to dance!
Nina

*Photograph is "Taking Up Space" by Sean FitzGibbons

Where have I been?!

Hello all,

So sorry I've been away so long. Here is a recap

Sunday--Zumba
Monday--should have been Day 21, but was knocked out with a migraine.
Tuesday--Day 21! Dance party at work with my coworker.
Wednesday--was supposed to teach Zumba and 2 other dance classes at church on my birthday!! Instead, was knocked sideways with food poisoning.
Thursday--food poisoning continues.
Friday--I'm back in the game! Got a wonderful walk outside today AND got to do JourneyDance with some dear friends, and Zinnia and Adella. It was so special. More about it tomorrow. This pushes the 100 days back to April 15th, but that's okay!!

Lose yourself to dance,
Nina

Days 18 and 19

This is getting to be 2nd nature, which is cool! Friday, I danced at work and finished my time working on a new song at home, and today I took a hard but fun Zumba class. Before class started, the lovely instructor (who I hope to be as good as someday) told me that some of her regulars last week were commenting on what a good dancer I was. It was such a nice thing to share, and gave me a great boost of energy. I really hope to improve my fitness level so I'm not the sweatiest, most out of shape person in every class, but that's OK--it'll come.

I also got some new, more "dance friendly" workout pants today that actually make me feel cool, and even more excited to dance.

I started out to do 100 days of DANCE, not 100 days of Zumba--I'd like to mix it up a little if people have suggestions on new places to go and groove!

Get down, boogie oogie oogie,
Nina

Gotta dance

Yesterday I had to sit at my desk working on projects, so every hour, I got up and danced for 5 minutes! No one was around to witness me looking a unhinged, and it made the day go faster!

Sometimes, you've gotta dance!
Nina

Forgetful

Just a record: Tuesday I practiced choreography, yesterday I taught a class. Today I haven't danced yet, but I will.

Just a little dancing

Today my dancing consisted of 30 minutes of choreographing new Zumba songs. It was a stressful day, and I needed to get a little sunshine in my life. Dancing, and then laying in bed snuggling with the little girls before they went to sleep--each of them holding my hands and Adella saying "Mommy, thank you for filling my bucket back up"--these were my glittery moments of the day.

Hope you brought light and live into the world today.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is "what are you doing for others?" --Rev. Dr. MLK, Jr.

NJ

It's hot in herrrrr.

It might be -15 outside, but our basement felt about a million degrees tonight. I got to lead Jasper through my best Zumba workout yet--600 calories in 45 minutes! I can tell I'm getting better each time, and I stress less and enjoy it more. I just have to work on cueing, because even though I know the moves, not everyone knows them.

Feeling much happier and prettier today.

Also a fun side effect of having pink hair? Pink sweat! : )

Dancing with my heart,
Nina

Being real.

Just wanted to get really real today and say that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows for me, even though I am an optimistic person. Feeling really uglys today, like I look more like Ursula the Sea Witch than Nina the Dancing Queen. I still did a 1.5 mile walk on the treadmill and 30 minutes of practicing leading my Zumba classes.

Hopefully I'll feel better about my reflection tomorrow--I'm sure I will.

Dancing is better than moping!

Love, Nina

Two more days in one!

Man this week got away from me! Today's dancing involved a dance party to two songs at work this afternoon when my brain stopped working for a bit, and some rocking out while I sorted laundry. Not dancing for fitness, dancing for mental health.

Yesterday night it was more Filipino folk dancing, which I really love. Photo below is of our sweet youngest dancers, practicing one of their pieces, about fisherfolk and fish in nets!

I have noticed that the dancing and my Season Affective Disorder lamp have been working really nicely together to keep my mood consistently happy and mostly even keeled. A nice side effect is mental health balance!

Just dance,
Nina

2 days to log!

Things got crazy this week, and its only Wednesday!  Last night I took a dance class at the Y, and tonight I had biggest Zumba class yet, with 2 NEW dancers--yay!!

More tomorrow. Time got away from me, and it is late!

Dancing in the moonlight,
Nina

Teaching zumba, without apologies.

So when I teach Zumba, I say "sorry." Like a lot. Sorry I forgot a move, sorry I went the wrong way, sorry I'm not a better teacher, sorry I'm panting like I'm going to die by the second song. I love teaching Zumba, but I'm also ridiculously embarrassed that I'm not very good yet. Every time someone isn't at my class, I immediately assume it's because they got tired of my crappy instructing and went off to take a class from a professional. But, for the last 7 days, I've danced every day without ceasing, and basically ONLY listened to my playlist every waking minute of the day. And you know what?! Tonight, when I was teaching my husband, who dutifully attends class in our basement on Mondays (in case you didn't know, he is actually the best), and I kept count--only 3 sorries! Once, when I was doing a side step move and disappeared out of the main room and danced right into our storage room, and two other times because I made minor mistakes. But, other than that--I taught a 9  song, 40 minute set with only 3 apologies!

Feeling my confidence build every day.

Just dance. Put on your red shoes and dance,
Nina

Sunday, Sunday

Today's dance was a lot of booty shaking while washing dishes! I have 3 new songs I'm working on choreography for, and I figured I'd multitask!

Very sleepy and a busy week ahead--more tomorrow.

Goodnight,
Nina

Taking a class instead of teaching one!

Took a Zumba class this morning from my favorite instructor Maren. She is a phenomenal teacher and makes class fun for everyone. She's not the best danced in the class, but she's in control of every move, every second, and her confidence and competence are inspiring. I spent class in the back row, mimicking her instruction style. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. She knows I'm a licensed instructor and invited me to teach a song in one of her upcoming classes--which regularly have 50 attendees--terrifyingly exhilarating!

Dance until you drop,
Nina

Dancing takes many forms

Happy Friday!
Today's dancing including some mean hand choreo to practice my Zumba routines whilst stuck in traffic this morning, and a good 45 minutes of what I like to call clean-ography as I attacked the dust and pet hair in a variety of hard to reach nooks and crannies using our new vacuum. Favorite moves included: tiptoe steps on the rim of the tub while vacuuming our ceiling air duct and back bend off the bed to get the dust bunnies from under the far corner of the frame.

I will say that I've enjoyed the first work week of this challenge. As a long-time sufferer of Seasonal Affective Disorder, my mood has been the best it's been for the post-holiday season in years. Yay for seratonin!

Dancing my way to sleep,
Nina

A bit of culture

Tonight's dancing? Our whole family (including my in-laws) went to our weekly Filipino folk dance practice. Yes, I am the tallest one there, and yes, I don't look a lot like I am from the Philippines, but it's so fun to share an important part of their heritage with the girls, the dances are fun and beautiful, and it's a fun social activity. A really nice way to spend Thursday nights. Feeling really great about this dancing to a happier, healthier me so far!

Lose yourself to dance,
Nina

Zumba!!

Quick post tonight--traffic was awful and I almost considered cancelling, but I made it a little late, and dancing was a blast! I love teaching Zumba. Totally filled my bucket up after a wild and crazy day. Then I taught two more dance classes for kids, and the day was done. Lots of dancing, lots of laughs, lots of endorphins released.

I hope you dance!
Nina

Happy accident

So a few weeks ago, I cancelled my Spotify premium account. I've been using it to teach Zumba, but in an effort to be more financially responsible, I figured I could let it go and it wouldn't affect my ability to teach too much.
Wrong. Without premium, my playlists only play in random order, which does not work when you are consciously creating an "order" to your class. Yesterday, the session I did with Jasper was using the shuffled list, and it was...not good. But, he told me about Amazon music, which I then got signed up for. I attempted to recreate the playlist from Spotify, but many of my songs were missing, forcing me to create a new playlist of a bunch of new songs.
So, dancing tonight consisted of creating new choreography to teach at class tomorrow. I'm really excited because the choreography is all my own, nothing borrowed from anyone else. I am nervous for tomorrow, but excited because I really, REALLY like my new set!
See you tomorrow!
Nina

Dancing in the basement.

Day 1! Today we are off to a good start. It was a very strange day overall. Lots of very odd things happening to people I know, and I knew when I got home I'd need to dance out how weird the day was.  My sweet husband said "do you want to practice Zumba with me" tonight? So, though I was very nervous, I taught 30 minutes of Zumba with him as my pupil. My playlist went really weird and we danced to songs where I had to make up choreography on the spot, I had pants with a funny waistband on so I had to keep pulling them up, and I was super embarrassed by how out of shape I felt compared to him (in my head, the instructor should not be sweating harder than the students!), but then I remembered, he's on my team. He loves me no matter what, and he's doing this to help me get better at instructing. It was fun to dance with him, I feel much happier and more balanced than I did an hour ago, and we are going to dance again tomorrow!
Feeling lucky in love,
Nina

Let's try this again.

Hello! It's been a loooong time since I last wrote on this blog, but I think I need an outlet, so let's begin again!

2015 was a wild ride. I left a job that I deeply loved with people that I deeply loved, at an organization that had definitely fallen out of love with me. It was a sad parting, but needed to happen. Then I took another job with a wonderful non-profit, and ultimately, we did not end up being the right fit for each other, and parted amicably after I'd been there four months. In late May I took on my current position, which is unlike anything I've ever done before. It's incredibly challenging and stressful, and I am the first to admit that I feel like I'm quite terrible at it still, though my organization seems to have the utmost faith in my abilities to be successful and seems impressed with me so far, so that is a small comfort. In life, I'm willing to be brave and stick my neck out for anyone who I feel is being treated unjustly, but I'm terrified to do things that I'm not good at. I don't have that insouciant confidence that some people seem to innately possess, so I fret over not being good at things immediately. This current job reminds me every day how much I don't know about my new field, and it's a little terrifying. But living in a place of discomfort is different than a place of unhappiness, which is where I found myself work-wise last year, so think this is a good challenge to undertake. In addition, I love my organization, deeply believe in the work we do, I have the opportunity to travel, and to be operating on a Director level, which I am deeply proud of.

Still, it is sometimes paralyzingly stressful, and the change of job still hasn't jump started me into making healthier life decisions.

I actually came to a realization this last year that I don't actually care that much about what I weigh. I feel pretty and confident in a way that I haven't in a long, long time, and that feels good. But, I know that I'm now closer to 40 than I am to a lot of other things, and I want to be a healthy person. My husband has so many qualities that I love and admire, including his determination and willpower, and he has made incredible health and fitness strides in the last 5 years, to the point that I think he's as handsome as he has ever been, and he regularly gets mistaken as our children's older brother, which will never happen to me (especially because I am obviously not male). I don't think I can ever have his discipline, as I love Diet Coke and dislike exercise too much, but I want, as always, to be the best version of me, and I know that achieving that must ultimately include some healthy changes.

Earlier this fall, I achieved a long-time dream--I became a zumba instructor. I was definitely the largest person in the room, and certainly only somewhere in the middle in terms of dance ability, but at the end of the class, one of the instructors said "I've never seen someone work so hard and look so happy at the same time." That felt really good to hear, because it was true--I was so tired, but so happy! It was a joyous day.

Since then, I've been teaching for some kind and indulgent friends at our church. I know I'm still a terrible instructor, but they keep coming, and I deeply love them for it (Rossi, Heidi and Hilary, you are the highlight of my Wednesday nights)!

I want to be a better instructor, and I want to have more people attend my classes. Dancing is good for our souls, its good for my mind, and (if you care about this sort of thing) is good for your waistline too! Earlier this year, I challenged myself to do 100 days of dancing, and it made a big difference in how I felt about myself. I ultimately didn't finish it, because I never kept my self accountable to anyone. I'm hoping to do it again, and check in via blog each day, to let you know how it's going.

Here are the perameters:
* 100 days of dance begins on Monday January 4th and ends Wednesday, April 13th.
* I am committing to dancing for 30 minutes each day for the next 100 days.
* Any kind of dancing, in any location is acceptable.
* I will log into the blog each day and post about the day.
* Comments, encouragement and invites to go dancing are greatly appreciated!

So that's it--I'm hoping this challenge can help me reconnect with myself, improve my dancing ability, be a fun way to groove through a Minnesota winter instead of slogging through it, help me make fun plans with fun people, and maybe even put a little more positivity and happiness into the world!

I hope you'll join me on this journey! If you have any songs that you LOVE to dance to, let me know!

I feel better when I'm dancing,
Nina