Moody blues

Hi internet friends! I can guarantee that I could never be a full-time blogger as a career, I post far too sporadically for that! My husband mentioned this morning that I haven't blogged in a while, so I decided to blog today! I actually can't believe my last post was in October! Time flies. We are stuck in another bitterly cold day here in Minnesota--schools closed, daycare closed, even my husband's graduate class is cancelled. I will be heading off to waitress tonight, and though I wish I could stay here cozy and warm with my family, and I have a sinus headache that has lasted since Monday, I will be glad to get out and see other people. If I didn't work, I might never leave my house in the winter! I was diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder about 7 years ago, but I know I had it for long before that. I actually don't mind snow and cold and Minnesota winters, but I just get really blue this time of year. January, though it is a month that includes the birthdays of many of my favorite people, and February are my least favorite months. They seem endless, there is no Christmas spirit, and it just feels like warm weather will never come. Like many people, I wish humans could just burrow underground and hibernate until spring. Since we got back from winter break, we have had seemingly never-ending sickness, the coldest winter I can remember, an insanely busy work month, getting rear-ended twice, a death in the family, and most recently, news of the death of an extremely close family friend. I have had to work very hard every single morning to get up, get dressed and go about my day. The only thing that I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch "Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids," before falling exhaustedly back to sleep, without having accomplished anything. It has been very hard. I am working on getting past it, taking vitamins and supplements, using my "Happy Light" regularly, forcing myself to go to the gym (I've got another 5 K in 16 days!), but I just feel listless. I feel like the energy to paint, or craft, or create, or do anything other than consume--TV, celebrity gossip, etc. is lost. It makes me feel sad. There are people for whom seasonal affective disorder and any other form of depression are all-consuming, and I am not in that place. I am in a place where I can get up, care for my appearance and that of my children and our home, have friendly loving conversations with my family, spouse, coworkers and friends. I can capably do both of my jobs, and I manage my day to day responsibilities. What is miss is the extra energy--the desire to see friends, to go dancing, to go on dates with my husband, to create games for my girls, to create beautiful things for our house. I miss the pep in my step. Hearing the news of a dear friend's passing just yesterday reminds me to cherish every day we have, and let everyone who we love, know we love them. She had a long, brave battle with cancer, and has always been one of the most loving, outspoken, get 'er done people I have ever met. If you look up the definition of "living out loud," she was it. She made the world a better place. None of us are ever promised tomorrow, and I want to ensure that I make the most of my days here on earth. With 4 days until my 34th birthday, I want to each day make small changes, small improvements in my life, to get beyond just surviving through this endless winter, into thriving through it. It will be my tribute to this amazing lady, and my tribute to all of the amazing people in my life. So today, I will snuggle with my daughters, kiss my husband, give amazing service to my customers, and laugh with my coworkers and friends. I will live life to the fullest, because I have a beat in my heart, air in my lungs, and this winter won't get me down. Love and sunshine, Nina