Wow, again, sorry for disappearing off the face of the map. All the jobs (and life in general) have ramped up in stress, responsibilities and hours to nearly a fever pitch, which has been fun (because I truly love and believe in what I do) but exhausting and a little overwhelming too. I have pulled some all-nighters, and have definitely been burning the candle at both ends. This has led to a marked lack of self-care, and it is taking its toll. I was walking into a building this evening and saw a reflection in the glass door, and a shudder of revulsion passed through me. I looked again and thought, "Wow, that person looks gross." And then I felt horrible for thinking that about another person, and then even worse when I realized that the "disgusting person" was me. I was saddened by the depth of self-loathing I felt. Its still sad, to type about it now.
I needed to get that experience out of my head and on to the blog, but I am not really in the mood to talk about it more. I just wish that there was an "easy" button for all of this--the weight loss, the food issues, the body hatred, the burning jealousy to look how others look. It sure is easy to fall into a hole, and desperately
hard to scrabble your way back out.
"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Standing in the sunshine, but hoping to get out of my own way,
Nina
You are a ray of sunshine, Nina! Just remind yourself you are innately healthy. You get to choose how you respond to what goes on around you. Low moods, high moods... sometimes we just have to shake our heads, clear our minds and remember to breath.... Give yourself a big hug from the inside out. You deserve these love hugs all day long!
ReplyDeleteMiss you,
Molly