Nowhere to go but up

It begins...

So here we are, January 1st, 2013, and I am starting a blog.  A blog about being pretty from the inside out, which seems a bit ironic since I am starting this blog at a time when I have never felt less pretty.  I currently feel ugly, old, tired, fat, sad and adrift.  I hate looking in mirrors, no amount of make-up can cover up my dark circles and tired, sallow skin, and if I could carve away at my stomach and remove 60 pounds right now I would do it, regardless of the pain and suffering it might cause.  Thinking about my clothes, all of which look horrible when I put them on, makes me cry.  A few recent purchases are unflattering and designed only to conceal, not highlight.  I want to be invisible.

And yet...

I know I am harder on myself than anyone else on the planet.  I constantly see only the bad, the "should have done better," the "not good enough, never good enough."  But other people don't see that.  They see my boundless, endless love for my daughters, two creatures so radiant, so perfect, so amazing that I feel laid bare and unworthy of their love and adoration.  They see my incredible partnership with my husband, a man who still looks at me and sees the beautiful young woman he fell in love with 11 years ago, the gorgeous bride on her wedding day, the radiant mother of his children.  Friends see me as energetic, spunky, full of life and love.  Coworkers see me as passionate, dedicated, charismatic and talented.  If people can see me this way, they must not be wrong, so I need to start looking at me through their eyes.

But just looking through their eyes is not enough.  I really do have changes that need to be made.  Changes to my diet and exercise routine, immediate changes to how I put myself together, so as to feel as pretty as possible in the skin I am currently in, changes to my mental state, so I never feel as full of self-loathing as I do today.

And so...

There is nowhere to go but up, and there is no better time to start than right now.  In 26 days I will turn 33, and in this, my 33rd year, I want to shine and glow and share light with the world.  But first, I need to shine my light on me.  I hope you will join me on this journey.  I do not know where this blog will take us, but I know it will be much more fun for me if I do not have to travel alone.  I welcome your support, your inspiration, and your questions.  I am not the only woman or only person out there who feels this way about his or herself--let's walk this path together!