On Taking Up Space
In a previous blog, I mentioned that I often describe myself to others as "taking up space." I am tall, broad-shouldered, often wear high heels and always wear colors, have a loud speaking and singing voice, love being the center of attention, and currently have hot pink hair. None of these things make me "small." I try very hard to be respectful of others though, whether it is taking up as little room as possible on an airplane seat, slumping way down in my chair at the movie theater so as not to block someone, or using my height to help others reach something, navigate through a crowd, or get noticed. As women, we are often taught to not take up space, to be small, to be quiet, to be invisible. I like the idea of "taking up space" and choose to claim it as a positive--I am here, I am me, take it or leave it (but please take it, as I am a people-pleaser at heart).
I was thinking about this today because I was at dance practice. I have a deep love of dance, and a love-hate relationship with partner dancing. Being the tallest girl in the class in our junior high dance unit meant a lot of awkward square dancing with a prepubescent peer's face nestled snugly near my training bra, in high school it meant being constantly picked as Mr. Morgan's demonstration partner to show the moves for the Hora, the Waltz, or the Cha-Cha. In college, I was deeply into Latin dancing, which I love, but which also meant I spent a lot of time being asked to dance by partners who came up to my elbow when I was in heels, and who I had no hope of doing any Bachata turns with. Plus, even going to clubs to dance, the tallest girl in the group doesn't often get asked to dance. None of this is a pity party, it is just a factual glimpse into the day to day experiences of women above 5'10''.
Now, back to today. I was at Filipino folk dance practice (news flash--I'm not Filipino, but my husband and children and in-laws are) and we are rehearsing for a large-scale cultural dance showcase in September, with nearly 40 dances that tell the history of the Philippines. There are people of varying ages, sizes, and experience with dancing in our troop, and we have members aged 4 to well into their 70s. It is an amazing group to be a part of, and I am thankful every day that I have always been so warmly welcomed by everyone. We definitely have a few taller people in our troop, but by and large, it always feels like I am at least a foot taller than everyone else--we've had people try on my costume skirts, and they can stand up inside them with only the top of their head sticking out--granted, it is a very long skirt, but you get the idea. In my mind, I am always ready to be dancing in "women only" dances, the ones that don't require partners, but today I practiced a dance with a partner, and it is a hard one too--you dance with a lit candle balanced on the top of your head! (Just what I need, more height...) Anyway, it was my partner and I's first time working together, and we laughed a lot, bumped into each other more than once, and definitely dropped the jar of Oxy acne pads that I balancing on my head in lieu of a candle for today. But I had a partner. And we, and the other pairs of dancers had such a good time dancing that I didn't even notice if our heights didn't match up, and I don't think anyone else did either!
Today taught me that there is nothing wrong with taking up space, as long as sometimes you get out of your own way, stop navel gazing, slap a jar of acne pads on your head, and dance it out!
Yours in the times to mourn, and in the times to dance!
Nina
*Photograph is "Taking Up Space" by Sean FitzGibbons
